It happened again today. I was standing in the sunshine and someone who I have known through work for some time said, "How are the family?". "I'm single" I remind her, "Oh, I'm so very sorry" comes the automatic reply! I want to reply, "I'm not sorry at all, in fact I rather enjoy it" but I chicken out and change the subject.
It's much more fun of course in Asia where a 'confession' of singleness instantly invites well meaning offers of help to find a "beautiful lady", who often turns out to be a relative not-yet-married-off. I have of course been tempted to accept the offers of help and instantly arrange a beauty (in the spiritual sense of course!) parade with suitable negotiations around 'husband price' - but then chickened out because of the consequences for the poor young (or not-so-young) women involved. Seriously though, the automatic "I'm so sorry" response does seem to suggest a cultural unease with singleness. Is it that us 'singles' still remain a competitive threat? Or does it suggest a deeper inner fear of 'aloneness' with which many struggle. For myself, I thought I was just doing my small part of help prevent population explosion!
Is, perhaps, the real issue for me (otherwise why did I write this?) as well as you that we struggle with those who are different from us - and yet apparently fulfilled, happy in the life God has given them?
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I've been barried now for over 30 years, but when i was single I went with Bishop Colin winter to visit a rabbi in Windhoek, whose wife, on learning that I was single, offered to introduce me to a "nice girl, lots of culture". She appeared to be quite worried about my single state.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you can't win either way: when I was single everyone trying to introduce me to nice young men and there was a constant barrarge of expectations from family, now I'm married I keep being asked if there is any 'good news'!
ReplyDeleteSomewhat surprisingly I was accosted by an ex Mission Partner (single) who said it was alright for me as I was married, to be working in Asia - completely ignoring the fact that I had already spent over a year in the same country as a single person.
It is partly a cultural thing too - the status of a single woman in particular is somewhat startling. I got used to having to put up with tradesmen being late and not turning up at all. Shop assistances being downright rude and unhelpful - both male and female. But having a husband in tow seems to have changed things - shop assistants are pleasant, tradesmen turning up on time.
Our Lord Jesus was single - if it was good enough for him, why not us?